New BOYFRIEND!

OK, so I USED to have a very well off bf, and I thought I was living well at the time because he basically gave me anything I ever really wanted. But I found out within less than a year that just because a guy can give you any material thing you need, doesn't mean it is going to make a good relationship. I have to admit, while I was with him, he made me feel fairly good, but he was the intellectual type to such an extent he fancied himself smarter than me, and never failed to point it out at every turn, making me feel stupid, and treating anything I said as irrelevant. After a while this got extremely irritating as I am smart enough to have passed the Mensa test you see, and for someone to make a bloody GENIUS feel stupid, well...that is downright WRONG! He was so damned arrogant it made me sick to my stomach!

However, NOW...I am no longer in New Hampshire living with that arrogant bastard. I am now in Dallas Texas, the place I always dreamed of when I was young. Living with the man that I have wanted to be with for nearly seven years. Why wasn't I with him earlier you ask? Well...I'll tell ya, if it were possible I probably would have, but many circumstances over the years prevented it. The first thing early into meeting him the fact of the matter was he was just too damned young. (however I didn't know that at first when I met him as he kind of told me he was 18 when he wasn't, but I suppose I can forgive that as everyone is entitled to one fuck up I guess) but when I found out his real age, I could only be friends with him. (luckily I never DID anything intimate with the boy THANK GOD! lol) but we stayed the best of friends. He was the kind of person I felt I could tell ANYTHING to. With him I had NO secrets. Despite his young age, he had more wisdom and intelligence than most men I knew 4x his age. Even THEN he was a bright young man with so much potential to go places in his life, but like me he was living in a life he hated, but couldn't leave. So we connected in a way only 2 people living the same life could. For 7 years we continued to talk and remain friends. I had various boyfriends, which he was always there for, lending helpful advice, and giving encouragement and trying to be happy for me that I was with someone I THOUGHT made me happy. But as things usually happen, the other shoe eventually would drop and they various boyfriends I had would eventually prove themselves unworthy of my love.

Then after this last boyfriend I had who I must admit, when he dumped me (yes he actually dumped ME which is a first because usually I'M the one to leave) at least he did it in a way as to not make it hurt too badly. he gave me $1000.00 and set me up with a place to go rather than just leaving without anything to my name. But with this money, I finally had the money to move to Texas like I always wanted to. And my Boyfriend Josh who moved there a couple years ago (because it was what we had always talked about, and he figured if he moved there I would eventually make my way there) was finally old enough to be called a man (21) and as we were both now single, I figured if I don't do it NOW, I probably never will, so I threw caution to the wind and moved here to live with him. and despite the fact he is quite monetarily poor, he is the richest man I know, because he has a heart bigger than any man I have ever known. He loves me more than anyone I have ever met, and how to I know this you wonder? Well...the entire time since we first met each other, he didn't have any other girlfriends because he believed he couldn't really love anyone else if he was still in love with me. So he waited patiently for me to return to him, all the while being there for me throughout my various failed relationships, and god knows that must have been very hard for him, but he is such a wonderful soul that he did it anyway, all the while remaining faithful to our love. And now I'm here with him, and he tells me he loves me every day, sometimes even 10-20 times a day, and it never fails to feel wonderful every time he does. His love is stronger and deeper than any man I have ever been with in my life, and it makes my heart want to BURST with all the love we feel for each other. THIS man, is the man I am going to marry. and He has given me the strength to finally break the chains of my past, and make it possible for us to take the leap of faith and make those love filled vows. This was a love that was meant to be. I can feel it in my very soul! He is my life, my love, my reason for being. the one person I can ALWAYS turn to if I'm feeling down and know that he will somehow make all the hurt go away just by looking into my eyes and telling me he loves me. He is truly a one of a kind man. I have searched all over this country for a man that would even come close to the way he loves me, and turned up empty handed at every turn. There IS no other man like him. None that can even come close to the depth of empathy he is capable of, or his sweet, considerate, caring, and nurturing soul. I love him deeper than any words can describe. He is perfect in my eyes. I love this man!

the reason behind the blog

now, I'm not here to bitch about my love lofe per-say. lol because I love my man and am very happy, but I just thought this might be a good spot for people to share the WTF experiences of their dating trials and errors. feel free to comment here to share your experiences, I will share just one of my horror stories to maybe get the ball rolling here, and I'll start with one of the milder ones. lol maybe if I see the kind of reaction this one brings, I may share more. but for now I will stick to the one experience.

We will call him hank for now. and yes, the red-neck name was intentional. anyway, I moved to NY for hank. now I'm calling him hank because he looked like the borderline migit version of what hank williams JR (any country fans in the house?lol) would look like if he were pratically a midgit. lol. Now this guy had a major nepolean complex. Now I'm short too. VERY short actually, but I am ok with it. infact it has it's uses, but that is for another blog. lol. But this guy seemed like he always had to prove what a testosterone driven freak he was. (this guy would actually throw tantrums like a 2 year old complete with holding his breath and stoping up and down in a fit)Always walking around the room with his chest puffed out in an attempt to hide the fact that his gut hangs out over his belt. He was insanely insecure and felt the need to plant a sloppy one on me when ever a guy even so much as looked in my direction. (pathetic...right girls?) so I actually put up with that crap for a year and I made him move to NH with me and then he got so unbelievably inconsiderate and inpossible to deal with that I had to leave him there. he begged and pleaded with me to take him back one day when I went to go hang out with one of my friends. (somehow he tracked me down I still think he had to have been stalking me) but he did this right in front of my friends thinking that I wouldn't act like a bitch in front of them, but he was wrong! I have no sympathy for a 40+ year old man who can not act like an adult. the man will never grow up. now, I know i"m not the easiest person to get along with, is anyone really in the scheme of things? I personally believe that it is all in how we learn to deal with the subtle differences in personality that make or break a relationship. I personally seem to suck at this process, either that or I just keep picking men that lack in this ability, after a while it kind of gets hard to tell. lmao. I like to believe that I can have an arguement without acting like a child or lashing out at the person I love. and with the relationship I am in now, I can do that. he pisses me off, don't get me wrong. we have our issues, but all in all, (despite the fact he doesn't think so) I believe it isn't anything that can't be fixed in time. anyway, I guess my story really is about how some men just don't seem to know when to grow up and act like a man. The whole relationship I felt like I had to be the strong one, and my whole life I had to be strong, so I guess I just took the role because it was what I knew. with the relationship I have now, I can finally let someone ELSE be the strong one, and I think I went a bit overboard with my new found freedom, and allowed myself to become lazy. lol. yes, I admit it, I'm a lazy woman. at least lately I have been really bad. and my bf (despite the fact he harps on me about it all the time like a freaking NAG) I love him for bearing with me this long. I know I have not been easy to live with lately. But I am in the middle of a re-birth shall we say for lack of a better term. Evolving I think. My brain has been slowly rewireing itself one cell at a time. lol. and he may not think all the badgering is getting through to me, but it is. and I hope someday he stumbles upon this and remembers how he thought I would never break out of the slump, & we may share a good laugh about it later. I think in this case sweetie, you're better off betting on the long shot. But anyway, here is my heart and my experience. may you learn something from it. lol. because as love sometimes is, I sometimes wonder if I ever did. lol.